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Anybody know any ultra heavy horizontally condensed sans like Compacta or Impact, but that is also monospaced?

Not what you’re looking for, most probably, but here’s an heavy monospaced font: http://www.myfonts.com/fonts/buymyfonts/brohan-black/

Umm, are you mad at me, Riccardo?

Anybody else? Are there none?

Yes there are none.

The difficulty of making ultra weight monospaced is the limit on the M and W, e.g. Alessio has handled it quite well.